Adult Well-Being and Creating a Culture of Care
Danny Torres in conversation with Dr. Christina Pate, Deputy Director of the U.S. Department of Education’s Center to Improve Social and Emotional Learning and School Safety
Dr. Christina Pate:
I actually burned myself out really early in my career by trying to do it all and be it all and sort of be there for everyone else, while I was unable to really receive from others and just not taking care of myself because I really was focused so much on helping other people.
Danny Torres:
Welcome to Leading Voices, a podcast brought to you by WestEd, a national nonprofit, nonpartisan research development and service agency. This podcast highlights WestEd’s leading voices, shaping innovations and developing equity-driven supports for schools and communities across the country. My name is Danny Torres; I’ll be your host. Today we’re with Dr. Christina Pate, Deputy Director of the U.S. Department of Education’s Center to Improve Social and Emotional Learning and School Safety. She’s also Director of WestEd’s Safe and Supportive Learning Environments body of work. Dr. Pate works to foster adult well-being, promotes trauma-informed practice and resilience, and improves cross-sector collaboration in ways that help improve outcomes for individuals and systems. Our focus today: educator well-being and creating a culture of care. Christina, it’s great to have you with us.
Dr. Christina Pate:
Thank you so much, Danny, for having me here today. I’m really looking forward to our conversation.
Danny Torres:
Now, before we dive into today’s topic, tell our listeners how you came to this work and about the work you’re doing now.
Dr. Christina Pate:
Sure. So, I’ve come into this work through a long and pretty winding path, but the further I get, the more I see sort of all of the connections. I really sit at the intersection of research, teaching, and practice and sort of traverse a lot of content areas and work across sectors so that I can address the personal, interpersonal, and systemic aspects of the whole person and of the whole community. But to your question, how did I get here? Yeah. So, as a little person, I think I always had such deep care and concern for other people’s well-being. And I always knew that I really wanted to be in a helping profession of some sort. And I was always the sort of empathetic and nonjudgmental listener and support to my friends and my family, and I was definitely their counselor before I was ever trained to be one. But I’ve certainly had my own struggles, both personally and professionally.
And I actually burned myself out really early in my career by trying to do it all and be it all and sort of be there for everyone else, while I was unable to really receive from others and just not taking care of myself because I really was focused so much on helping other people. I also found myself working in some really unsupportive environments at best and sometimes toxic work environments that were really competitive, which to me seems so ironic as someone who’s working in a field that’s really intended to support people’s well-being.
It was quite the opposite sometimes. So, I had a lot of healing and growth, both personally and professionally, to really move myself through that burnout and to create conditions for myself and for others to heal and transform and thrive. So, this topic of educator well-being and creating a culture of care is really near and dear to my heart. So, not helping just individuals with their own personal development and well-being, but really helping groups and systems figure out how to best support each other and transform our systems into places that are safe and supportive and equitable for all people—both adults and young people—to thrive.
Danny Torres:
So, when we talk about safe and supportive learning environments, especially amid the challenges of the last couple of years, what do you think schools and districts need to prioritize?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah. In our new normal, because that’s the reality of it now, I think adult well-being and creating a culture of care is more important than ever. And I believe it’s going to continue to be. I think in order to support others, we must, must, must support ourselves first. And it’s interesting, as I said, I’ve been on this path both personally and professionally for decades now. And it was always a challenge for a lot of us to see the real value in caring for ourselves. And I think a lot of us dismiss this notion of taking care of ourselves because we think it’s about spa treatments, or maybe it’s beach vacations. And that’s certainly one way that people can relax. But it’s not really what I talk about when I say self-care. So, I often hear a lot of people say they don’t have time for self-care, and I’m certainly one of the people that defaults to that, but we tend to be the ones that actually need it the most.
But I would say in the last 18 months, we’ve seen a huge shift in prioritizing our own well-being. In fact, it’s one of the more requested focus areas that we have at WestEd. And I think our self-care for educators brief was one of the most downloaded resources here in the past 18 months. So, there’s definitely a hunger for this right now, but I’ll tell you, when you prioritize your own well-being and you practice self- and collective care, you actually give other people permission to do the same. Let’s be the change and really model the way for that.
Danny Torres:
Yeah, that’s a powerful idea. Now, when you say self-care within this context isn’t about spa treatments or beach vacations, what do you mean by self-care, and why is it important?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah, there’s a million definitions out there. I would say, in general, it’s really about providing adequate attention to your own physical or your own psychological health and wellness. And, really, it’s just about taking an active role in your own health and well-being, whether it’s to preserve it, to protect it, to improve it. But in a lot of helping professions—so, thinking about doctors, nurses, counselors—it’s actually considered an ethical imperative. So, I always ask, why isn’t it for the rest of us, right, especially educators? So, it means if we can’t show up present and grounded and healthy, even with the best of intentions to be helpful, we can actually be harmful not just to ourselves but also to our colleagues, and if we’re working in schools, we can be harmful to our students and our families. But Americans, generally, we idealize and we glamorize being overworked, being busy, being stressed out.
And we actually know from research that Americans associate that with prestige and status. It’s completely ridiculous because we can’t pour from an empty cup, and we definitely don’t show up as our best selves when we’re all stressed out. So, how do we expect our fellow staff or even our students to do that when they’re also showing up stressed out? People often ask, why should we make educators’ well-being or their self-care a priority? But we require so much of educators these days, whether it’s teachers, support staff, administrators, and we know that educator burnout is such a huge concern and it leads to poor retention rates. You’ve probably heard that statistic. I think it’s 40 percent of teachers leave the profession within 5 years, and that was pre-coronavirus, right? And then we also have some more recent research that talks about school leaders’ well-being, that they have such difficulty with their own self-care that their stress-related health concerns are worse than firefighters and law enforcement, which I think is crazy considering the amount of trauma that those folks face.
And that actually makes me think of the role of vicarious stress and trauma. For educators, I think we often fail to realize, or maybe acknowledge, that educators who are working with students and families who are experiencing great stress or trauma, they’re also experiencing that. And it has a real impact on educators’ physical and psychological well-being, but we don’t actually train them for that. And we often don’t have supports for that when it comes up. So, when we think about educator wellness, we have to think about the effect that it has not just on us as adults but on student outcomes as well.
When educators can show up healthy and present, they actually have more positive interactions with students, and that leads to a lot of improved student outcomes. So, essentially, adult well-being is a prerequisite to all of those student outcomes that we’re looking for, academic and nonacademic. So, if we know these relationships are fundamental, I guess the question is, how can we support students and families with the guidance and structure they need while preserving our educators’ well-being? And then when we think about the added stressors of the pandemic, of the racial injustice, it’s just more important than ever to prioritize our well-being, both individually and collectively.
Danny Torres:
I wanted to talk a little bit about the ethical imperative. Can you tell us more about what you mean there?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Sure. So, for example, I’m trained as a psychologist, and it was sort of part of our ethical code of conduct that in order to do no harm and to be of benefit to others, we actually have to be taking care of ourselves physically and psychologically. And so if we’re not… We don’t have to be in perfect condition to be helpful, but we certainly can’t be in a debilitating condition or under so much stress that we can’t really show up for other people. So, it’s really, again, it’s sort of that prerequisite: In order to be helpful to others, we have to be helping ourselves first.
Danny Torres:
Right. It’s like that analogy—right?—where you’re on the plane and you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others.
Dr. Christina Pate:
That’s exactly right.
Danny Torres:
Yeah. All right. So, how do we approach our own well-being and the well-being of others or create that culture of care, as you mentioned?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah. So, there are a lot of ways that we do self- and collective care, and those really vary by personal preference or what’s available to folks, but more than what we do is the way that we are. So, not only is it important for us to really shift our way of doing, but then we have to sort of shift from a way of doing to a way of being, and that’s really on a different level than what we’re used to. It’s considered embodiment.
So, it’s about the ways that we show up for ourselves and with our colleagues and with our students and families. And it’s about how we really create the space for our staff or our students and our families to be their authentic selves and really to have opportunities to cocreate together our systems, our policies, and our practices and to have agency in our lives. And then it’s also about a space to get calm and grounded and a space to get connected and feel a sense of belonging. And as adults, as individuals and as a collective, we really have to model the way for that, the ways that we show up.
Danny Torres:
So, you mentioned, it’s how we show up, right? So, how can educators show up for themselves, for their students, and their colleagues? And is it different for in-person learning and through distance learning?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah, showing up is not that different in person than it is through virtual means. Believe it or not, just the medium through which we do it is different. And that medium, I think many of us are getting more comfortable with, but it’s still not what most of us are used to or what we prefer. But when we’re teaching students or if we’re working with our colleagues, we can still engender safe and supportive environments that improve our ability to teach. They improve our students’ ability to engage and learn. And one framework that I always encourage folks to consider is offered by Bruce Perry; it’s called the “three R’s framework.” So, that’s regulate, relate, and reason, and it is grounded in brain science and trauma-informed practice. This framework, it’s originally developed for young people, but it’s based on what’s called the triune brain model in neuroscience.
So, it applies to both adults and to young people. But I typically suggest that educators closely follow the process of how to reach what we call the thinking brain. So, it’s beginning from the back of our brain, and it’s moving to the front. So, in that order, we really want to ensure that staff are first and foremost regulated in what we call our reptilian brain. So, that’s in the back and the bottom parts of our brain. So, in order for us to effectively teach or think or work or learn or thrive, we have to first feel physically and emotionally calm and settled. So, that’s the regulate part. So, we really need to help staff and students, quite frankly, find ways to feel grounded and centered first before we try moving into anything else—any work, any teaching, anything like that. Once we’re regulated, then we want to feel socially and emotionally connected through safe and supportive relationships that are really attuned to people’s needs.
So, that’s the relate piece. And that happens in sort of the middle parts of our brains. Some people call it the limbic brain. Some people call it the mammalian brain. It’s basically, we have the capacity for connection here. And then once we’re calm and settled and we’re connected in those healthy and supportive ways, then we’re finally ready and able to engage with formal work tasks like instruction or learning.
So, that’s the reason piece. And that actually happens in the top and front parts of our brains, or it’s also called our neo-mammalian brains. It’s sort of what makes our brains uniquely human. So, if we try to jump straight into work or we try to jump straight into teaching, or, for students, if they try to jump straight into learning, we’ve actually bypassed what our brains need to actually get there. So, if staff and students are showing up dysregulated because they’re stressed out or they’re unsettled—which, I mean, let’s face it, most of us are these days—or they’re feeling disconnected from safe and supportive relationships or safe environments, we’re not going to effectively, much less sustainably, actually reach the thinking brain. So, I think, to your point around the sort of virtual versus in person, what I say is the “what” and the “why” are the same. It’s just the “how” that may be different depending on whether you’re in person or virtual or some hybrid form of that.
Danny Torres:
Right. Right. Yeah. I love Perry’s framework: regulate, relate, and reason. Can you provide some examples of what that might look like and perhaps start with regulate?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Sure. You know, I think in order for us to help ourselves, which then helps our students and our colleagues feel more settled, there are just some really simple things that don’t take a lot of time. They don’t take a lot of skill, but they help us to just get grounded and centered. So, you can very easily begin meetings. Or, if you’re in a classroom, begin your lessons. Or, I actually just like to start my day this way, but we can begin with grounding and centering exercises that help us focus on what’s happening in our minds, our bodies, or our surroundings. And so, this can help us get engaged; it can help us stay focused. And any of these exercises could be recorded or spoken or written or read aloud. So there are a lot of options for different formats for preferences, different languages, things like that.
So, one thing you could do is before beginning your meeting, or if you’re alone—again, maybe it’s at the beginning of your day or your class—is just either close your eyes or turn your gaze down to the floor, and just take in three deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Or, another thing that is helpful if you’re sort of feeling scattered and you’re having trouble getting focused, you can just look around your environment and name or identify one thing that either makes you happy or calm or relaxed and just kind of think about why. That just helps us bring us into the present moment and get focused. Or, one thing that I often do because I tend to hold a lot of tension in my jaws, in my neck, and in my hips throughout the day is to do a body scan.
So, you can sort of scan your body, starting at the very top and going all the way down to your toes, and just try to notice where I feel tense; where do I feel relaxed? And I’ll just sort of silently tell the tense parts to relax so that they feel the same way the calm parts do, and sometimes it takes some time. If I’m really stressed out or tense or been focused on the computer for a long time, it can take a while. But I’ll try to imagine my muscles just sort of releasing some knots or untangling something, or sometimes I’ll just imagine, like, a large eraser erasing all of the stress and tension away and otherwise just take more breaks. We don’t give ourselves enough breaks. We’re back-to-back either in classes or on Zoom calls, whatever it is. So, try to move your body more if you’ve been really still, or, if you’ve been super active or anxious, then maybe just try something that’s more calming and relaxing.
Danny Torres:
So, I mean, individuals are different, right? They have different stresses in their lives and different experiences. Do these strategies look different for different people?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah, they certainly can. And I think something that’s important to think about is regulating activities for young people might look different than what they look like for adults, or they might even be things that make adults uncomfortable. Or regulating activities may look different across cultures. So, thinking about things like physical proximity: Some people like to be physically closer in order to regulate. So, being physically closer with other people, while other people just need a little bit more physical space to get regulated, especially if they’ve had, maybe, a negative interaction with someone. And physical touch is a big one, too. Some people, I think about, like, young kids, like, they might want their back rubbed or something, right? But other people might find physical touch really distressing. The example I often use is, how many of us go up to people and say, “I’m a hugger”?
And then we wrap our arms around them. Some people are just so soothed and comforted by that. And other people are annoyed and distressed, or if someone has trauma in their background, they might actually find that traumatizing. So, just considering some of those things before we sort of assert what works for us. I think another example that I hear about is braiding hair or performing other sort of grooming activities. In some cultures, that’s actually a means to soothe. And that’s what we call co-regulation. So, really just sort of think about your biases and just work towards culturally responsive practices. But at the end of the day, when you’re thinking about yourself, just do what works for you.
Danny Torres:
So, when you’re talking about co-regulation, how do you manage boundaries and understanding what other people might experience before you engage them in a hug, for example?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Well, that’s a great question. So, when you’re thinking about boundaries, you have to clearly communicate what you want and need. And so, if you are seeking closer connection with someone in order to regulate, you can let someone know, like, “Hey, I really need a hug right now. Would you be willing to give me a hug?” Or, if you’re feeling like you see someone in distress, and your natural response is to give them a hug or to rub their back, you can say, “I see that you look distressed right now. Would you like me to give you a hug?” or “Can I give you a hug?” That way you’re both thinking about what you need and want but also giving someone else agency and choice over what they receive as well.
Danny Torres:
Right, so, let’s move on to relay. What are some strategies there?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah. The human brain, it develops in relation to our physical and social environment. So, there’s this phrase that we’re quite literally wired for connection. So, when we experience school or work as a place that really acknowledges and affirms, and it really celebrates our identities where it allows our agency, then our levels of engagement and our sense of belonging actually increase. And then that promotes healthier relationships whether that’s among our staff or whether that’s with our students and our families. And it also increases our retention rates. You know, we talked about burnout and sort of the retention rates earlier, but it improves those. And it also just improves our abilities to teach and our students’ abilities to learn and thrive. One thing we’re often saying here is that behavior is communication. So, to your question earlier about how do you know when to co-regulate with someone, right?
So, understanding the behaviors of others, the things that maybe are helpful are the things that tend to activate you and learning how to regulate yourself. Those are both important strategies for really helping not just yourself but also addressing the needs of your school community. So, there are a lot of strategies. I’ll share a couple of them here. But I think first and foremost is just to be really intentional about creating space and opportunities for healthy interactions and for really explicitly addressing the importance of those safe and supportive social connections.
Dr. Christina Pate:
I always kind of had this, like, rhyme for me. It’s always listen and learn, acknowledge and affirm, people’s experiences, their concerns, their hopes, their aspirations. Another thing we can do in the workplace is just to ensure that we have a consistent connection to a caring, reliable colleague. It could be a buddy. It could be a mentor. I think this is especially important for new educators or even those who are more isolated or disconnected in general. Some of our roles tend to isolate us a little bit more in the workplace. And we just… We really just want to make sure that people feel a sense of belonging and care. So, plan activities that allow for interaction; really emphasize personal well-being over work or academics. We live in such a product-driven culture, such a results-oriented culture, but I always say “people over products” and “relationships matter.”
Danny Torres:
Yeah. Now, what about people experiencing intense stress or anxiety and hopelessness?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah. I mean, our friends, our families, our colleagues, all of these people in our life can be such a great source of support when we’re feeling stressed out or when we’re feeling down. And it’s completely normal to have a low mood or some anxiety sometimes. But if we’re feeling this sort of intense or persistent or prolonged sense of helplessness or hopelessness or anxiety or despair, that’s not normal, and it’s okay to not be okay, but that’s our signal that we need to seek some professional help. And then be on the lookout for signs of distress in your colleagues, too; remember, these can show up like defiance; they can show up like avoiding tasks. They can show up as noncompliance, or, definitely, absenteeism is a big one. So, let them know where they can find support, or help them get connected to support. The worst thing when folks are going through something significant, is to just sort of be a bystander.
And it’s, like, none of my business. Right? And you say nothing, but if you don’t know what to say, just let them know you’re concerned, that you care about them, and that you’re there for them. I think we’re so quick to offer guidance and support when someone’s feeling physically ill or they’re going through some sort of disease that’s physical, but we often sort of avoid or maybe stigmatize people who are going through something that’s social or emotional in concern. I think the bottom line: Emphasize caring connections.
I think we have some resources that we put out last year that might be of help. But one resource that I wanted to note here is that we have our Beyond SEL audio gallery, and that has an interview with a school where they talk about how they attend to the well-being needs of its community. And they do that by engaging the support of a licensed clinical mental health professional. So, I think what’s especially unique about their approach is that every educator at that school has confidential, free access to a therapist that’s available to them during school hours. So, go ahead and check that out. I think you can link that in the show notes later.
Danny Torres:
Yeah. I’ll certainly put that in the show notes.
Dr. Christina Pate:
Great.
Danny Torres:
So, it’s Beyond SEL audiocast. What about reason? What are some strategies there?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah, there are a lot, so I’ll focus on a couple today, and, again, we can connect you or connect the listeners with some resources, with some more strategies there. But I think it’s less about trying to do all of the things, which is the opposite of self-care, and more about providing people with a lot of options to figure out what works best for you because not everything works the same for everyone. But I think the takeaway here is really to build self-awareness. That’s essential. So, it’s important for us to understand we make our habits first, but then our habits end up making us. So, our old conditioning, it’s not just in a mental sense; it’s physical. And then it shows up in a lot of our automatic brain reactions. So, that back and bottom parts of our brain I talked about earlier, they end up being in charge.
So, then we get stuck in really old, predictable patterns that might not be helpful or healthy. And we just sort of become like robots; we’re on autopilot, right? So, in order for us to really break free of those habits, we have to cultivate self-awareness. So, we have to learn to become aware of our thoughts. We have to learn to become aware of our feelings and then all of those sort of conditioned responses that our minds and our bodies have to those things. And I think something that’s essential, which is really hard for people, is to not just become aware of our thoughts and feelings, but accept them and actually feel them. We don’t want to ignore them; we don’t want to deny them because they can actually get suppressed and come out in all sorts of ugly ways. But we also don’t want to get stuck in them because they literally can get lodged in our minds and in our bodies. They show up as either physical or emotional discomfort, as pain, as illness, as disease.
And then they also sort of have a contagion effect. So, feelings and thoughts can sort of spread like a virus to others. I think as we sort of become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, we then have to learn how to build in optimism, how to reframe our challenges and really start looking for solutions. So, I think that’s related to looking for opportunities and the challenges. Like, we have so many challenges right now. So, if we can try to search for meaning that are in the lessons that are coming from those challenges and from those uncertainties, there are certainly opportunities hidden in there if we just go looking for them.
Danny Torres:
I was thinking about this idea of reframing your challenges. So, I want to talk a little bit about that. In one of our Leading Voices conversations, Dr. Rose Prejean-Harris, Director of Social Emotional Learning at Atlantic Public Schools, she talked about the challenges and opportunities being one and the same. I’d like to play you a little clip from the conversation and get your take on it.
Dr. Christina Pate:
Great.
Dr. Rose Prejean-Harris:
I think that we have thought about student support as a competing priority to our academic piece. And one of the things that I appreciated was when Atlanta Public Schools moved SEL from the student behavior support side to the Office of Academics and Teaching and Learning side of the division, knowing that these aren’t competing priorities but that they should be intertwined together, right? We cannot not support students. Even though our main business is making sure that they have an education, we have to make sure that they’re also supported.
And so, with that, there are both challenges and opportunities to make sure that those things are really coming together so that we are really creating a space where we have kids who know that they’re coming into an environment where they’re cared for, that we have adults who are able to take care of those needs for those students, and that they both can thrive, right? And we could get both of the pieces done together. And so, we can’t separate humanity from academics. We have a human side and that when we come into spaces, we bring who we are regardless of math, English, science, or social studies. And so, it’s about intertwining those two. So, there it’s both the challenge and the opportunity.
Danny Torres:
Can this kind of reframing help educators as well as students?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Absolutely, Danny. This is a perfect example at the collective and systems level of not just reframing but really identifying where the opportunity lies in order to help people at a personal collective and systems level. So, think about it. What do we want our lives and our workplaces—whether it’s personal, professional, right?—what do we want that to look like and feel like? Rose identified what that looked and felt like for Atlanta Public Schools, right? What do we want to leave behind? What opportunity do we have during challenging times to make something better just like they did in Atlanta Public Schools?
So, I always say, overall, really focus on what we do like and what we do want rather than all the things that we don’t like and we don’t want. Had Atlanta Public Schools just continued to not like that SEL and academics were separate, they would’ve just continued to complain and be siloed. But they found a way to focus on what they wanted. So these simple shifts, whether they’re personal or collective or systemic, they can have a profound impact on your well-being, on your collective’s well-being, and really create shifts in the ways that others respond to us as well.
Danny Torres:
Doing a lot of research in your work, and you have this idea of practicing gratitude. Can you tell us about that?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah, I think—and this is obviously not original to me—I think practicing gratitude often sounds cliche, but there’s actually a lot of research to support it. So, there are just simple things that you can do, whether it’s a list or a journal, you could write a couple of things that you’re grateful for every morning when you wake up or every evening before you go to bed. And, I’ll tell you, sometimes when you’re under a lot of stress, sometimes you’re just happy that you have a roof over your head, or maybe you’re just grateful that the sun shined that day if you’re in the middle of the winter, right?
So, they can be simple things. You don’t have to be full of abundance in your life in order to express gratitude. But you could also speak your gratitude in letters and emails, in texts, in social media, to your friends, to your colleagues, to your family, even to your students, right? But practicing gratitude for what you do have and expressing it often to others can be really important not just for them but also for you. So, even the seemingly smallest thing, a simple thank you or “I appreciate you,” can go a long way. In fact, right now I would just encourage listeners to send a quick text to someone expressing your gratitude or appreciation and even better if it’s someone who doesn’t often get a lot of appreciation or positive feedback, right? That can be really helpful.
Danny Torres:
What about developing healthy boundaries? Can you talk about that?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah. So, I think we’ve touched on this a little bit earlier, but part of well-being and self-care is that we have to develop healthy boundaries, and healthy boundaries are not rigid walls, but they’re not wide-open gates. And this can be really hard for a lot of us because we’re not raised this way. And society often doesn’t allow us to be this way, right? So, having healthy boundaries really means knowing what your needs and your limits are and clearly communicating what you will allow and what you will not as well as what you need. And let’s face it, educators are helpers, right? So it can be especially hard for a lot of us to say no, but having blurred boundaries, not only is it not helpful, it can actually be really harmful to both parties. So, establishing clear and healthy boundaries can really support health and wellness for all of us.
Now, no one is a mind reader, so we actually have to communicate our boundaries. I think a lot of times we expect that people should just know what our boundaries are and respect them. But what a boundary is for me may not be a boundary for you. So, it’s important to understand that what you need and be able to clearly communicate that to others. We have some strategies for that in some of the resources that we’ll share after the episode, but a few quick ones here. You can create clear communication norms and expectations for yourself as well as with your colleagues and with your students and their families. I think this one is just so important is to be clear about when you are available and when you are not. We all need boundaries around our time and our work. So, even if you’re working in a school building or on site somewhere, you can create boundaries around when you’re available and when you’re not.
So, whether that’s your planning time, your lunchtime, whatever. And then at home or after work, you can still set official work hours for yourself. You can try not sending or replying to nonessential work emails at night or on the weekend. And then, as you’re creating schedules and rituals for more stable routines, hold yourself accountable to those things. I know I’m usually the first one to say, “Oh yeah, I can squeeze you in.” And I’ll sort of drop my other things so that I can help other people, but it’s important for you to have boundaries with yourself, right? So, you can really start to interrupt your own time and your own well-being if you’re constantly allowing that to happen. But be realistic with yourself. I think we’re on this, like, 24/7 work train right now, and you can’t do everything simultaneously.
You are doing the best you can, and let people know when you’re over capacity or when you need support, and don’t feel bad about it. We have this sort of, like, the idealizing and the glamorizing and all of that. Don’t feel bad about needing a break or needing some help. But I would say generally when you’re beginning to create healthy boundaries, start small, start with low-risk situations, and then you can really build and tone that muscle over time. I think the bottom line, your boundaries are valid and so are everyone else’s. So, it’s imperative that we also accept when others decide to set limits and say no too.
Danny Torres:
Yeah. I like this idea of healthy boundaries, and it’s very challenging for me, personally, to set a boundary because I think it might harm somebody or affect them in a negative way. But what you’re saying, it seems to be that setting a clear boundary actually helps the other people in your life.
Dr. Christina Pate:
It does. And for people who have poor boundaries themselves, it can often feel like a slight until they also learn to develop and respect their own boundaries, right? So, we have to sort of, like I said, start small and sort of build and tone that muscle and can have ripple effects on an entire community.
Danny Torres:
So, are there any last thoughts you’d like to share with our audience today?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Yeah, I think last is just demonstrate compassion, and offer yourselves and other people some grace. It can be so hard to not judge and criticize other people during challenging times, especially when they have stress responses that seem weird to you, or they have opinions that are a lot different from yours. We’re so polarized right now, we’re really judgy about each other. So, just try to connect with others through active listening; try to seek to understand others rather than be understood.
And I think, really, just try to strengthen your feelings of concern for others. But most important is to have some compassion for yourself. It is essential. Be kind to yourself, try not to judge and shame yourself, speak to yourself the way a dear friend would, right? Because at the end of the day, we really all are doing the best we can. We’re under a lot of stress right now. So, we’re doing the best we can with what we know, what we have, where we are in life. And we just always say, people do well if they can. So, please remember that.
Danny Torres:
Thank you very much, Christina, for your leadership in this work and in the effort to create a culture of care in schools and districts and for your emphasis on supporting educator well-being. Can you tell our audiences where they can find you online on social media?
Dr. Christina Pate:
Sure. Well, thank you for having me. It’s been a fun conversation. You can find me on LinkedIn. So, it’s just /ChristinaPate—one word. Or you can learn more about our work at WestEd.org/SSLE.
Danny Torres:
Thank you very much. And thanks to our listeners for joining us. All the resources mentioned in this podcast will be available online at WestEd.org/leadingvoicespodcast or in the show notes on Apple podcast, Google podcast, and Spotify. For more information about WestEd Safe and Supportive Learning Environment services, visit us at WestEd.org/SSLE. Please look out for the next Leading Voices episode. And thank you very much until next time.
This podcast is brought to you by WestEd, a national nonprofit, nonpartisan research development and service agency. At WestEd, we believe that learning changes lives. Every day we partner with schools and communities across the country to improve outcomes for youth and adults of all ages.
Today’s episode focused on one really important facet of the work that we do at WestEd. And I encourage you to visit us at wested.org to learn more. And a special thanks to Tanicia Bell, principal content developer for the Leading Voices podcast, and to Sanjay Pardanani, our sound engineer and technical expert. Thank you and join us next time on the Leading Voices podcast.